Three months of Indian life. :-) What to say….looks like three years. New work, new life, new people in a not-new nation. But this nation, these people, the society and everything look so alien at the same time so familiar for me. It’s so confusing at times. I feel like I know everything, but then I just struggle like my American colleague Diana. It’s just that when I mingle with children (Isha Vidhya students), very young adults and hardcore villagers I feel myself. In summary I am afraid of becoming a serious Indian woman. :D
I always used to wonder seeing my sisters and friends, why the he-- these women are so messed up. Well it seems in India a woman can be easily messed up. Her appearance, her marital status, her complexion, her children (son or daughter and fair or dark…it all matters) her dressing, even her smile will be jugged by others. I escaped from this even before I became an adult. Now, it’s my turn to enjoy the bliss.
When I am on the street I get very much connected while seeing mad people and children. Mad people and children I feel they have something in common. I don’t know how to explain…I have both these personalities within me.
At times it is so comforting to be in the ashram. Not that such people don’t exist here. It’s just that something so amazing and beautiful available here. Heaven and Earth co-exist. Heaven created by him, hell by us…I have a choice to choose. But the moment you step outside….no comments. Well an opportunity to grow. But in this process I am afraid of loosing my childlike nature. I myself could see…I think twice before talking to anyone. Good in a way, avoids problems. But it also makes my life bit essence less. Though I sound very unhappy in this blog there were so many blissful and happy moments. To put in hints …..carmens visit, ooty, samyama, sathsung in moon light, Sanam, sudha raghunathans visit to the ashram, taxi driver suresh, Isha vidhya students, trip to all the schools and finally meeting and talking with my blog friends.
:D…however my heart longs for long conversations with ramesh. Miss those Sundays when I used to sit in Skype with a cup of coffee and talk to him for four to five hrs. Ramesh ….mail pannuda. Also miss my Saturday early morning self-made katcheri-s in youtube. I used to start with M.S. Subbulakshmi, MLV, TNS, Yesudas, Sheshank, Bombay jaysree, priya sisters, P.Suseela, TMS, MSV hits, illayaraja hits, ARR songs which has classical base and finally a plate of Briyani with potato roast (baked in oven at 400F for 20 mins). I miss my violin class, my students and my lab…..
Well this shows I had a great life in Canada….next year my blog will show me how great my life here in Ashram is. Well I don’t want to go away from this place…lets see how life goes.
ரட்சகன் 2
1 day ago
11 comments:
what do you mean, did you move back to India and in Vellingiri hills?
:-)
Interesting...
Hayyo Raji... we r all so messed up... cha!
YES thekka
I am at Isha yoga Center (Ashram).
now a volunteer for Isha Vidhya
Mmmmm..Once India was in the top of civilization, it gave lots of valuable text, thoughts..sculptures & Art..but the phase of space has changed in the midst of revolving time. Now..we find our fellow human beings are not fit to relate or be-known. Forgive them Raji..Our people are compressed-oppressed or suppressed to know the reasoning of life..hope they liberate in the next revolution, till then they r wild hindrance..For u not a matter...u can fly of the continent after a while..but people like me r mostly tuned to the unpleasant gestures!
no i dont want to fly off. I might fly off this time...but will come back and also planning to settle in India permanently.
enna irunthalum namma ooru pola varumaa :D
ingeye ethaavathu nalla maapilayaa paarthu, emathi kalyanam pannikittu, avanaiyum isha kulla izhuthu, samachu pottu, anaa kuzhantha pethukkaama, azhagaana kuzhanthaiya thathu yeduthukkukittu, vayasaana kalathula nalla paathukittu, santhoshama sethu poda-nu solli tata kaamichu, appuram naan intha mannula thaan sethu poven.ithu yethuvume nadakkaattiyum santhoshama sethu poven.
Mean while I also have a dream...a dream about our nation, about our people.
I am a proud Indian Raja and a very proud woman...thats why it hurts me so much when I come across these things.But I also realise I too have a trace of all these qualities.....awareness helps to get rid of it.
So neenga kandippa naan kezhavi aavaratha paapinga and will reply for my blogs then also. :D
I know Rams will mail me tomorrow
"nee already kizhavi thaane"
hahahaaa....
interesting, raji! hope you will find what do you looking for. "aen aemarththi" ;-), for your wandering spirit, equally there will be one and 'that' you will find it soon.
the bottom line is 'be where you are' which meant have the fullest(NOW). Good luck!
As usual, a straight-from-the-heart blog...
:-)
Enjoy the experience Raji
Cheers
Hari
Muthal adi thaththi varum, irandaam adiyo melliya bayathudan varum, pin varum adikalo... :-)mahizhchiyai sunmanthu varum. Kuzhanthai manathudan ovvoru adiyum eduththu vaiyunga. Kalakkiruveenga. Namma inthiya; Nammai aravanaikkum. ;-) Vanthathum thidummena pathara vaikkum. Puhunthu vaazha katru kolveerkal.
Raji,
You are in Isha? And not going to come back? I know it is a big decision and might not have happenend in a day or two.
Please share your experience from there.
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