2009

….:)
2009 is not an easy ride for me. I used to tell my friends “I need to grow-up, I am too childlike at times”.  The problem is I am an orphan child, so it is even more dangerous to remain not growing up. Guess my sayings might have reached Him, and now I am in a rollercoaster, which actually forces me to grow-up.  its good but at times its also very painful, frustrating and filled with anger. Well though negative, this year will be a milestone in my life, when I will decide how to take my life further.
What it is to be a grown-up. To be honest life of an adult is not so fascinating. But its hilarious to see how many calculations and gimmics people do to remain successful. Its easy to be a looser if you are really a fool. Its painful to be a looser or a successful person when you are intelligent enough to see how pathetic the so called success phenomenon is.
Life goes, let me see where it takes me. There are few people and places which really rejuvenate me and make me feel like a freshly blossomed flower. Dyanalinga temple is one such place. Whenever I sit in that space I always crave for that love. Love not from Him, but Love within myself. All that love which I throw on people around me with expectation and attachments. Cant I concentrate that and offer everything that is me to Him? I am so jealous of akka mahadevi, meera and Aaandal. Blessed are those feminine creatures.
Offer? What can I offer? What is there as myself is nothing but Him. When I do “guru pooja” I always feel its just an opportunity to realize that there is nothing to offer. Even the thought to offer is egoistic. But still its blissful to sit in front of Him and search.